Please note: Simon finally got around to listening to this episode on the 27th September, 2017, 277 days after its release and was completely appalled – it has subsequently been removed.
Farewell dear listeners… This is our last podcast for the year, and possibly forever… Who really knows, and who cares? Have we done something spectacular to mark the occasion? In a way. Its Christmas time so we’ve tried to theme it accordingly with music, stories, and over-indulging to the extreme (to the detriment of of the show). Please try to ignore the sounds of inflating balloons… Merry Christmas!
Dan and Dave discuss selling out and give very little detail about the Axe and Barrel, a small hidden bar in Marrickville where you’re probably not welcome. Dave muses he will one day get lemon juice in Dan’s eye, and is pleasantly surprised half an hour later. We talk about Dan’s brush with death and how the show might improve if he actually did die. Dave unapologetically shitcans Nestle after they refuse to send him a packet of Fantales. A number of articles involving tradies are mentioned. And the boys deal with the most gruesome How Low Would You Go ever heard on the air. The Demon makes a triumphant return and listener Croy reads out the most recent Nosily Nathan.
Expect the usual drunk fumbling for thoughts, crude musings, and a few laughs. We have a lengthy discussion about Simon’s Perth holiday (but disregard Jake’s Gold Coast holiday). Simon pens a lengthy chapter of of Nosily Nathan and critiques Jake’s unprofessional reading of it. The Devil’s Advocate segment is again performed by Jake, only this time as Mrs. Doubtfire (for no reason other than to entertain Simon… and hopefully the listeners). The boys discuss the death of Bhumibol Adulyadej, (ex)King of Thailand and Simon follows up last episode by getting in touch with the good people over at Chiko Roll. Spoiler alert! Jake and Simon kind of review the new Shin Godzilla film.
Episode 17 rolls in with 17 hours, 17 minutes and 7 seconds of shoddy podcasting in the bag – enough as Simon says, to provide some (burdensome) entertainment on a direct flight to Dallas… you gotta wonder how you would feel after being subjected to that. This week The boys address a current political argument – where did the Chiko Roll originate (Australian politicians were literally talking about that…). Jake delivers a startling Monologue Museum and attempts a Devils Advocate. Another erotic nose fiction chapter is revealed as well as a haunting piece of audio Simon dug up from the archives!
Welcome back listeners! Jake and Simon have been away for some time but fear not – they have returned with a bumper 63 minute long episode. ‘How low would you go?’ is explored TWICE, thanks to two listeners writing some disturbing scenarios. Jake revisits his paranoia that bananas are going to become extinct. Simon has written the most melancholy chapter of nose erotica the world has ever heard, as well as reading the worst Harry Potter fan fiction the internet has ever produced. Plus a whole lot of quarreling, laughing, belching and general faffing about.
Jake and Simon are painfully sober and ramble on like idiots. After Jake explains his absence, we launch into a brand new segment ‘Simon Says’, read out Jake’s new chapter of the erotic nose fiction, discuss the divine being in the toilet, talk about the perils of drinking ceiling juice, corporate sponsorships, rehearse a transcript from a recent murder case and some poorly written fan fiction, do some monologue museum and talk about obese Kookaburra’s.
Welcome to episode 14 of the Jake and Simon show! Jake finally edits and episode and Simon is oh-so-proud. We launch straight into our perverse new nose fetish series and see our hapless hero Nathan find himself in quite the pickle. We discuss Jake’s utter contempt for vegetarian homeless people and his bemusement at a cross dressers giant rack; he also reviews a bunch of shit – podcast ‘Last Podcast on the Left’, mondo movie ‘Australia After Dark’, packet noodles ‘Instant Noodles with Beef Flavour’. Simon fires up his new ’60 seconds with Simon’ segment, talks about the strange trend of Asian tourists visiting a small English town, does Brexit as best he can, and fills Jake in on his latest topic of interest – self surgery. We also talk the etymology of ‘gay’, how a freezer could save your life.
Episode 13! The Jake show, featuring Simon! Simon does fuck all preparation for the episode, but Jake holds it together with a stellar ‘spooky’ intro, chapter one of his new erotic novel and shares the specifics of a euthanasia machine built by a thrill-seeking scientist. We also talk about Italian horror movies, Bosnian anthems, and an American man who has a penchant for smoking chilli.
Jake and Simon continue with the unwarranted role of critic and pass judgement on podcast, My Dad Wrote a Porno, and Aussie film classic, BMX Bandits. They also discuss the spiteful press coverage of a local protest, and give you another installment of their new hit web series, Plastic Explosives (watch here). Fear not loyal listeners, some regular segments too: Jake and Simon ponder the ‘Margarita of Pain’ on How Low Would You Go, Simon meets his match this week in an inconceivable hypothetical on Devil’s Advocate and Monologue Museum makes a bodacious comeback.
Listen in as we try to return to the regular format after weeks of drunken ranting. Episode 11 sees the return of the Ork Awards and we take to reviewing movies, podcasts and shitty restaurants. We also launch our new series, ‘Plastic Explosives’.