After complimenting young Scott on his stunning snout, Nathan lept and advanced toward the usher in a strange mincing frolick, handed his ticket over and entered the dark sanctity of the cinema where his sexual snare for sniffers could be kept secret. Nathan must have been day-dreaming about diving into Scott’s adenoids for longer than he realised as the movie was already well underway. The audience groaned in annoyance as Nathan laggardly stepped over them, the awkward fetishist knocking a woman’s popcorn to the ground and perhaps not so accidentally brushing his hand ever so slightly across a young man’s beak.
He sat down in the only free seat, between a heavy-set middle-aged man who was fast asleep and gently snoring, which Nathan found oddly comforting; To his right was a young damsel armed with a choctop and a great set of tits. Nathan settled in and gazed up at the screen, at what he believed to be the greatest cinematic accomplishment since Groucho Marx’ Zionic schnoz lit up the silver screen in Animal Crackers, some 60 years before Gerard Depardieu’s legendary performance as Cyrano de Bergerac.
Cyrano was meeting with his cousin Roxanne, the object of his affection, his mighty nares diminishing his courage to express his incestuous love though. Nathan mused this was art imitating life, as he too pined for and yet could not cement true love born from nasal desire – God, how he longed for Scott’s proboscis to glide gently over his scrotum, up his shaft and delicately smell the tip of his penis.
Cyrano dismounted his horse and greeted his sweetheart Roxanne, the two standing under the light of a full moon. As the camera cut to a closeup of Depardieu’s sculpted snuffer, Nathan felt his love-sack shrink, his testicles shudder and his nostrils flit about in ultimate titillation. This was the very scene of Nathan’s premature departure last time he attempted Cyrano de Bergerac. He held it together this time though, and tried to not too closely examine the intricate folds and creases that made up Depardieu’s godlike horn.
The full moon had also partially lit up the cinema though and Nathan became aware again of the woman next to him. He had casually observed her icecream and well-endowed chest when sitting down, but somehow had missed the most divine, delectable nose he had ever encountered. Nathan knew he was in trouble.